Sunday, April 24, 2011

Cold robots.

Lately I've taken to bragging about the fact that I never get sick. I was convinced that thanks to my new devotion to exercise and my generally healthy eating, I was an impenetrable wall to viruses.

Of course as soon as you start bragging about never getting sick, you...get sick. Right now I have a cold virus that has lodged itself at the bottom of my throat since Thursday. It's stolen my voice, my ability to swallow without pain, and my gym visits (and man has that made me CRANKY, I hadn't realize just how much I rely on exercise for stress relief until the ability to work out was taken away from me).

But here's the thing. Thanks to my newfangled science book learnin' (that's shorthand for a Bachelor of Science), when I get something as trivial as a common cold virus, I now know in detail what that virus looks like and how it operates.

This is not good for someone with a slightly oversize imagination.

I am currently picturing my throat and chest as the battleground for a robot invasion. Viruses are totally the robots of the human anatomy world. They're non-living, and yet they are incredibly intelligent and capable. To grossly over-simplify and probably mess up a few key facts, a virus pretty much moon-lands on your healthy cells, burrows its way inside of them, and then takes over the cell's own machinery-directing your brave, beautiful human cell to now make things like evil proteins for its own evil uses.

So right now there is an evil army of cold virus robots setting up a colony in my throat. They have in fact won the Battle of the Throat, defeating my usually stellar immune system, and have now set up vast encampments. There's even a mess hall and movie theater for the troops. That's how sure my cold robots are that they are not going anywhere anytime soon. They have sent out scouts to test out the front lines.

But, I am confident in my immune army. Because they are not non-living robots. They are instead wonderful, human parts that strive every day to protect me from virus robots. I am sure that there will be a brave push as my immune cells do what they do best-seek to eat and engulf the robots, and perhaps a Battle of the Throat Part Two.

And now that my immune system is wise to this particular kind of robot, they won't have a chance to take over again. My super smart immune system will spot one robot arm, and they will instantly zap it to pieces.

So yeah, this is a little peak into how my imagination works. This is why I can't watch zombie movies.

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