Thursday, April 7, 2011


It takes a lot for me to laugh out loud when I'm reading. Not because I'm some jerk who doesn't think anything in any book is ever funny. I just don't laugh out loud from books the way I do from movies or TV.

I'm a couple of chapters into Tina Fey's new book, Bossypants, and I have snorted, chuckled, guffawed, and Lizzed (see 30 Rock) my way through every word of it.

I thought while I'm reading it I'd do a little passage of the day to share the fun. Enjoy. And unless you hate hilarity, I strongly recommend you buy/borrow this book.

On getting her first period.

"A few months later, [my mom] gave me a box from the Modess company. It was a "my first period" kit and inside were samples of pads and panty liners and two pamphlets. One with the vaguely threatening title "Growing Up and Liking It" and one called "How Shall I Tell My Daughter?" I'm pretty sure she was supposed to read that one and then talk to me about it, but she just gave me the whole box and slipped out of the room...

I shoved the box in my closet, where it haunted me daily. There might as well have been a guy dressed like Freddy Krueger in there for the amount of anxiety it gave me. Every time I reached in the closet to grab a Sunday school dress or my colonial-lady Halloween costume that I sometimes relaxed in after school - "Modessss," it hissed at me. "Modessss is coming for you."

Okay fine, I have to include one more. I really hope this doesn't violate copyright. Buy the book for real!

On her first OBGYN exam (the whole book is not only about these becoming a woman moments I swear)

"Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before. "What's that device f-?" Before I could finish, the nurse inserted the milk shake machine to the hilt, and I fainted. I was awakened by a sharp smell. An assistant had been called in, I'm sure for legal reasons, and was waving smelling salts under my nose. As I 'came to', the nurse said, 'You have a short vagina. I think I hit you in the cervix.' And then I fainted again even though no one was even touching me. I just went out like she had a hit a reset button. I'm surprised I didn't wake up speaking Spanish like Buzz Lightyear. When I woke up the second time, the nurse was openly irritated with me. Did I have someone who could come pick me up? 'Nope!' 'You're going to have to make another appointment. I couldn't finish the Pap smear.' 'WHY DIDN'T YOU FINISH IT WHILE I WAS OUT?' I yelled. Apparently it's against the law."

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