Thursday, November 22, 2007
Zach Morris time-out
I need a Zach Morris time-out. How much easier my life would be if i could just put my hands in the shape of a T, and everything around me would freeze. Zach never seemed stressed out and I think this is why. Every day there must be a thousand moments where I say that I'd do this or that if I just had enough time. I have 24 hours every day, give or take some for sleep/eating/tv watching/school/work/internship, okay give or take a lot then. Lately it just hasn't seemed like enough. My time in this town is hurtling towards its conclusion and every month time just seems to move faster. I want this year to be as slow as possible. I wish every minute could feel like an hour, because I don't want to leave. It's going to be the hardest thing I will ever do to leave this city, and every part of my soul is telling me to stay, but I know I can't. There are so many things I want to do and places I want to go and at least for a little while that's going to mean leaving this place behind. But it's physically painful to even think about that. I find myself tearing up at random moments, driving over the bridge at sunset or leaving Harris Teeter, walking past the homeless men in Marion Square, all of these every day things that I have taken for granted for more than three years. I keep thinking of things I haven't done here, making these lists in my head like I'm facing a death sentence or something. Reason tells me that I can come back, do all of these things years from now, but I know it's never going to be the same. Visiting a city and truly living in a city are two different things. This all brings me back to my freeze fame idea. I want to take a time out, spend as long as I need going over every inch of this place, soaking in every detail until I'm full. I want to live fully in my skin, without school or work or stress to take anything away from my enjoyment of this town that I love so much. I just need a break, time to think and to live and to be still. If Zach Morris could do it how come I cant?