a beginning

So my confession is that I was always been mistrustful of blogs. There is something I used to find slightly self-serving in the whole genre. I'm also a private person and the thought of sharing my life with virtual strangers seemed well, bizarre at best. But lately I've changed my view. I kind of see now that blogging is just an extension of creativity. More than anything else it's a way to write - daily, by the hour, monthly, whatever - just write. I want to be a writer which means I should be writing allll the time. You can only learn so much about technique or style. The best way to become better as a writer is to do it as much as humanly possible, and more than that to do it in a way that offers itself up to public consumption. I can write all I want for myself, but at the end of the day I know I am writing only for myself. I'm not challenging myself to be better or funnier or clearer. I know I'll be able to understand myself and so I don't aim as high. So this way I have to challenge myself, even if only one person ever reads this.

I also have admitted to myself that I live far too much inside of my own head. I am a shy person, which to outsiders mean I am quiet, but the truth is I am only quiet externally. Internally I never shut up.I think all the time, and sometimes my brain seems ready to implode with the weight of all of these thoughts. This is not to say I sit around pondering the deep mysteries of life, or challenging myself with existential dilemmas. I'm not that deep or pretentious (hopefully). Really I just think about everything, little things like what I saw on TV last night that no one else seemed to catch thus I have no one else to obsess about it, or that new great song that I secretly listen to over and over again in my car. I think about my plans for the night, for the next day, for the next ten years. I think about what an idiot this or that politician is and how stupid people are who believe him or her (sometimes my inner self can be very judgemental). I just think too much. So maybe by writing some of these thoughts out I can give myself a break. Blog me can take over, and my brain can go hang out by itself for a while. God knows it deserves the rest.

So here goes. I only expect two things from this, to become a better writer and to lessen my internal chaos. So clearly I am not aiming too high.

We'll see what happens.