It's been so long since I've posted that my browser history of this site was no longer there and I had to actually type in the entire address. It's been so long since I've posted that I first typed lizramsay.com.blogspot instead of the lizramsay.blogspot.com.
It's been a while. And there's one ENORMOUS reason. The last time I posted (about Bali, what a lovely little daydream) was during my 2 week break before my summer classes began. And then they began. Oh did they begin.
This summer has become an exercise in survival. I think of those precious two weeks in May, of their sun drenched days and lazy moments, of birds chirping and flowers blooming and frolicking in golden fields with golden retriever puppies. And then there's now. Now I am Tom Hanks in Cast-Away. Picture me in rugged terrain, clothing dirty and ripped, cuts and bruises all over my withered frame as I scavenge for my meager dinner. This summer has become an exercise in survival.
I thought 17 credits in 10 weeks was sane. I was so very wrong. It's the opposite of sane. It's everything that is not sane in this whole world. Every day I start climbing up a mountain. I convince myself that the mountain has a top, that if I work for x hours then I will be done. But the second I can see the summit, the second I see an end point, more gets added on. I haven't had one moment to feel done. There's always something.
The work that I love, my freelancing work, has become a struggle, because every second I'm doing that I feel like I should be doing Statistics or Anatomy or freaking Women of the Old Testament (still can't believe I'm required to take that course, after THIRTEEN years of religious school).
I'm complaining. I know I am. And really I understand that I chose this, that this is good, that this is all for a purpose and a reason and that in a short few weeks the sky will clear and I'll be able to stop and breathe for a minute. But right now I'm struggling. I've morphed into this perfectionist who wants to get A's on everything. And I've worn myself ragged working to ensure I get A's on everything. But I'm starting to see the cost.
I have this forehead vein now, did you know that? It's big and right near my temple and jagged. It's not quite a Madonna vein but it's still very evident. And it pops out from time to time. I feel like I should name it because it's not going anywhere anytime soon. This is what this summer has done to me. Not only do I have a forehead vein but I feel like I should NAME IT.
But if this all sounds too bleak, fear not. There are things that are keeping me in that middle ground between sane and running down the street naked screaming about standard variances.
One of these is working out with trashy magazines. 2-3 days a week I run and I am a beast and I take no prisoners on that treadmill. But the other 2-3 times I work out, to spare my shins, I do cardio machines at the gym. And for some reason it took me months to realize that the best possible way to do these machines is with the trashiest magazines possible. I'm talking inTouch, US Weekly, those kind that you normally stick inside of an issue of The Atlantic to hide. I cannot describe why working out while reading about Kim Kardashian's new fiance is so satisfying. But it's become my crack. The more stressed I am the more these little workout/trashy magazine sessions save me. The downside is I am now spending an inordinate amount of money on really bad magazines.
Another is authentic, Greek feta cheese. I love feta. I eat it almost every other day. But I used to always get the kind from the grocery store. I just recently got feta cheese in water from a Greek deli. And holy God. This cheese is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I put it on everything. If there was a way to make a smoothie out of this feta cheese I would. It's changed my life.
And there are many other things that have kept me from completely losing it, but tonight I'm really grateful for trashy magazines at the gym and feta cheese.
It's the simple things right?
Anyways, I'll try not to go so long without posting, even if it's only the ramblings of a crazy person. Come to think of it I should probably just rename this entire blog, "ramblings of a crazy person."